I have been feeling uncomfortable all day. This is because of my secret socks. Now, I don't really like to talk about secret socks. They're one of those things that just make me feel awkward for no absolute reason. I guess because I look upon them as the panties of the foot world. They are, after all, supposed to be secret, so when I catch a glimpse of someone's secret sock I have the same hot-cheeked feeling I would get if I walked in on someone in the toilet or saw a woman's armpit well past its shave by date. Maybe because this is an admission that, without the sock in place, their feet would be moist and sticky; their probably collecting bits of fluff from the shoe the way a bellybutton collects lint. The feeling is even worse if it is a man's secret sock, because I hate to think of men and their bodily functions. I feel the same way about blowing my nose in public. It's just so personal - only one step up the ladder from picking one's teeth.
Thus it is with a mixture of shame and embarrassment that I confess not only to having worn secret socks this morning, but to having put them on the wrong way around. In fact, I have avoided this particular pair (there! I'm out and proud - I own THREE pairs of secret socks) because I always find them hideously uncomfortable and therefore spend much time trying to surreptiously insert my finger into my ballet pump to rearrange. However, like trying to scratch an itchy bite on your posterior, there is no way of doing this discreetly. Also, it defetas the object - not only do I experience the very foot stickiness I am trying to avoidf, but I find myself walking about with a giant wodge of fabric padded under my toes.
Now I realise this is because, for over a year, I have been putting my toes where the heel should be. I don't know how I could make such an elementary mistake. But it does remind me of the time I went to a spa and, instead of spending five hours basking on Cloud Nine, squirmed in pubic hell - and realised, only when it was time to leave, that this was because I had put my paper G-string on backwards.
Dressing - sometimes, it's just not as easy as you think.
Thus it is with a mixture of shame and embarrassment that I confess not only to having worn secret socks this morning, but to having put them on the wrong way around. In fact, I have avoided this particular pair (there! I'm out and proud - I own THREE pairs of secret socks) because I always find them hideously uncomfortable and therefore spend much time trying to surreptiously insert my finger into my ballet pump to rearrange. However, like trying to scratch an itchy bite on your posterior, there is no way of doing this discreetly. Also, it defetas the object - not only do I experience the very foot stickiness I am trying to avoidf, but I find myself walking about with a giant wodge of fabric padded under my toes.
Now I realise this is because, for over a year, I have been putting my toes where the heel should be. I don't know how I could make such an elementary mistake. But it does remind me of the time I went to a spa and, instead of spending five hours basking on Cloud Nine, squirmed in pubic hell - and realised, only when it was time to leave, that this was because I had put my paper G-string on backwards.
Dressing - sometimes, it's just not as easy as you think.
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