So, great news: I read an article on Friday saying that Miley Cyrus has decided to retire her tongue. While I am sure I am not alone in hoping that the rest of her will soon follow suit, we take what we can get, and it certainly will be refreshing to see photos of her with a closed mouth.
Tongues in photos always make me nervous, probably because I have a rocky relationship with said organ. It all started when I was a child, and my mother used to feed us a dish called 'tongue'. At the time, I thought it was just a strange coincidence that I had a body part sharing the same name as this food; after all, when you are five years old the world is full of such amusing serendipities. And then, one day, I was faced by the moment of truth: lying on the kitchen counter, defrosting, was something that looked remarkably like my own tongue. This particular one appeared to be holding a pose. I remember thinking that it looked as if it were about to scoop up a mouthful of meadow; even its tastebuds were clearly visible, like it was waiting for a treat that never came. And that's when I knew that, in the words of a friend, I was tasting food that could taste me right back. I count this as one of my childhood traumas. This is why I avoid deli counters: there is one particular luncheon meat (don't you hate that phrase) made up of tiny little tongues quilted together like patchwork. It gives me shivers.
But back to Miley and her own renegade appendage. No doubt when she started her 'tongue-out-of-cheek' posturing, she thought of it as her own take on a wink; cute and sexy with just a touch of the ribald. Sadly, Miley, that's not at all how it comes across. James last week commented (unkindly and rather indelicately) that it looks as though she has bitten off someone's willy and left it dangling out the corner of her mouth. While that's a touch graphic, I can't help but agree that the size of it is quite astounding: to me, it looks as though she went rifling through one of those cans of Enterprise 'meals-in-one', bypassed the spaghetti and peas, pulled out a flaccid pink Vienna and stuck it in her cheek, making her look less like a cheeky nymphette and more like a thirsty, gormless dog who's really happy to see its owner. Perhaps the whole tongue-out thing isn't actually an attempt to create a signature pose; maybe it simply won't fit in her mouth?
Apparently, I am not the only person who is concerned by the sight of Miley's tongue. The other day, I read a brilliant blog by Emily Mendell (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-mendell/mileys-gift-to-moms_b_3903346.html), who had this to say:
After the third or fourth mom "friend" of mine posted some condemnation about Miley's performance, I linked over to the video to see what all the fuss was about. And like many of my peers, I was more than a little grossed out -- not so much because of the twerking or the foam finger. I was really disturbed by Miley's tongue. Maybe it was the resolution on my browser, but it just didn't look healthy to me -- all colorless and gray. Leave it to the Jewish mother to worry about this girl's health -- but did anyone else think that we should be more concerned about Miley's camel tongue than her camel toe? Dehydration? Thrush? Dr. Oz? Dr. Phil? Anyone?
Apparently not.
Emily, I couldn't agree with you more. To Miley's tongue: you've had a great run (you even have your own website), but a truly great performer recognises when they've been licked.
Tongues in photos always make me nervous, probably because I have a rocky relationship with said organ. It all started when I was a child, and my mother used to feed us a dish called 'tongue'. At the time, I thought it was just a strange coincidence that I had a body part sharing the same name as this food; after all, when you are five years old the world is full of such amusing serendipities. And then, one day, I was faced by the moment of truth: lying on the kitchen counter, defrosting, was something that looked remarkably like my own tongue. This particular one appeared to be holding a pose. I remember thinking that it looked as if it were about to scoop up a mouthful of meadow; even its tastebuds were clearly visible, like it was waiting for a treat that never came. And that's when I knew that, in the words of a friend, I was tasting food that could taste me right back. I count this as one of my childhood traumas. This is why I avoid deli counters: there is one particular luncheon meat (don't you hate that phrase) made up of tiny little tongues quilted together like patchwork. It gives me shivers.
But back to Miley and her own renegade appendage. No doubt when she started her 'tongue-out-of-cheek' posturing, she thought of it as her own take on a wink; cute and sexy with just a touch of the ribald. Sadly, Miley, that's not at all how it comes across. James last week commented (unkindly and rather indelicately) that it looks as though she has bitten off someone's willy and left it dangling out the corner of her mouth. While that's a touch graphic, I can't help but agree that the size of it is quite astounding: to me, it looks as though she went rifling through one of those cans of Enterprise 'meals-in-one', bypassed the spaghetti and peas, pulled out a flaccid pink Vienna and stuck it in her cheek, making her look less like a cheeky nymphette and more like a thirsty, gormless dog who's really happy to see its owner. Perhaps the whole tongue-out thing isn't actually an attempt to create a signature pose; maybe it simply won't fit in her mouth?
Apparently, I am not the only person who is concerned by the sight of Miley's tongue. The other day, I read a brilliant blog by Emily Mendell (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-mendell/mileys-gift-to-moms_b_3903346.html), who had this to say:
After the third or fourth mom "friend" of mine posted some condemnation about Miley's performance, I linked over to the video to see what all the fuss was about. And like many of my peers, I was more than a little grossed out -- not so much because of the twerking or the foam finger. I was really disturbed by Miley's tongue. Maybe it was the resolution on my browser, but it just didn't look healthy to me -- all colorless and gray. Leave it to the Jewish mother to worry about this girl's health -- but did anyone else think that we should be more concerned about Miley's camel tongue than her camel toe? Dehydration? Thrush? Dr. Oz? Dr. Phil? Anyone?
Apparently not.
Emily, I couldn't agree with you more. To Miley's tongue: you've had a great run (you even have your own website), but a truly great performer recognises when they've been licked.
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