Monday 18 April 2016

Brave new world

I truly appreciate that the world my girls are growing up in vastly superior to my own. Who wouldn't want to be able to grow a new nose? Who wouldn't choose a waterless red planet in December over cocktails in Camp's Bay? Having private thoughts? Pah - totally overrated (says the blogger - yes, I see the irony).

But, technophonic anachronism that I am, there are some things that I feel they missed out on.

1. The original cast of The Magic Faraway Tree. In case you didn't know, Joe, Bessie and Fanny have been replaced by Jo, Beth and Frannie. I'm proud to say, though, that Leya is not fooled. The other day, when I was reading her this classic, she burst out laughing. "Frannie!" she exclaimed. "That sounds like fanny!" (Of course, this might just be related to her natural propensity to relate absolutely everything in the world to genitals or fecal matter.)

2. Advertising that sticks in your head. Remember Timmy, with his fever? His mommy called the doctor, because he was a children. Or the little guy who called everything he loved Wedwo? Or the mom who let her kids use new towels around the pool - just kidding, she didn't; she just washed them with Surf. Or the guy who was so out of tune with groceries he thought powdered milk would be kept inside the fridge. Ahh - those guys were doing it right. Thirty years on and I can remember the jingles like it was yesterday. All together now: "Mr. Min is my name, a sparkling shine is my game..."

3. Being able to eat without taking a photo of your food first. Again, I am aware of the irony - I photograph everything in case I want to blog about it on MyTwoCents (see how I subtly wove in that bit of self-promotion there). But seriously - can you imagine going out for dinner, and not having that solemn moment of silence where everyone gets out their phones (what am I saying - the phones are already on the table) and art directs their pasta.

4. Dating blind. No, not blind dating. I mean dating someone where you know absolutely nothing about them. Not what cossie they were wearing in Durban in September 20004, not  what they think about the latest BuzzFeed quiz, not what their ex looked like...Dating where the stalking has to be done in the pure, old-fashioned sense of actually walking past their res window to see if their light is on, or phoning their landline 10 times to see if they pick up (and if they are, by extension, at home and therefore perfectly able to phone you should they so wish). Which leads me to...

5. Always holding out hope. Ah, the good old days when you had to go out clubbing with a pen in your handbag in case a guy asked for your number, and hope like hell someone was able to produce a serviette for you to write it on...and then, hope even harder that he didn't lose it. Of course, chances are that if he did, you'd never know, because if he dialed your landline at the one time you left the house, that was it. Something that could have blossomed into a love to rival that of Will and Kate would perish, stillborn. The advantage? You could always convince yourself that he had met with ill luck, and was currently lying in traction, wishing like anything he could phone you.

6. The Britpop invasion. Damon Albarn or Liam Gallagher. Noel Gallagher or Jarvis Cocker. Not since the Beatles and the Stones was there such hot musical debate. And while no one in the world would decry today's musical geniuses (who doesn't feel a tear of pure unadulterated emotion when they hear 'Drop That Kitty Down Low'), I still think that nothing will dim the anthemic light of Wonderwall (I was an Oasis girl, myself).

7. Ross kissing Rachel for the first time. Admit that, on those occasions when The Rembrandts are hauled out of Jacaranda's Golden Oldies box (what is it doing in there? Surely we're not old enough for our music to be considered for Throwback Thursdays.), you find yourself clapping in between the verses...and wishing there was a fountain you and your friends could dance in while swishing around your heavily layered, mascara'ed hair.

8, Looking up something in a library. There's something about the smell of books, isn't there? When I was at university, I used to feel awed every time I walked into the library, thinking about the sheer volume of knowledge it contained, and imagining the feet of students as much as a century older than me who would have walked the same path. It was inspiring. I also loved the way you would get sidetracked when looking up something, especially in the dictionary. Inevitably you'd find a word so much better than the original one. That's how I came across the word 'vibrissa', which is the technical name for nostril hair - see, imagine how intelligent I look when I toss that out at dinner parties. But, hey, the Internet is so much faster.

No comments:

Post a Comment